Striding across the stars

How long until the darkness takes me down? It doesn't matter how good you are because if you let your guard down for just one moment it will consume you. The bindings of pray and faith can seem like very flimsy protection in the long dark hours of the soul. It's like bring a reactor back down from critical; one wrong move and there won't be enough left to fill a matchbox. One speck of light in an ocean of darkness. One speck among many perhaps but still not enough. The most frustrating part is the inability to BE. It's not possible these simply is no way to truly BE here in this world. It's like trying to build a house with only a hammer. In this life the darkness will win it always does. That does not preclude my ability to fight and fight I will so that when it comes I will embrace the darkness at a time of my choosing. I am no stranger to the darkness, it has lived within me as long as I can remember, it is almost as comforting at times as the light that transforms. Should the tide every rise too high this light has no fear of being extinguished to ensure that others survive. There is nothing more respectable than an ancient evil; there is nothing more feared than the blazing light. In one hand a dagger of white, in the other a dagger of black. Which holds the poison offering a clean death and to whom?

Community of strangers

Some times I wonder what's happening to us. I don't think I like what our culture has become. My current beef is with the lack of conversation. I enjoy sitting down with someone and talking but those days seem to have all but disappeared. Now it's always hanging out with the group or going out and doing something. Now how are you supposed to get to know anyone like that? People have so much interesting things to them; stories, knowledge, opinions that you would never find out with out talking with them. Now it seems that such things are unwelcome or worse "mean something". What the frig!?! Seriously it would make me scream if I was prone to emotional outbursts. Every once and a while I score a good conversation with someone, and I love it. You get to know the person, you get to learn new things and you get some new insights. Of course these feelings of frustration tend to sit at a low level burn until someone is surprised or offended because they didn't know something about me. When every they make a comment along those lines it always makes me want to snap back "Did you ever ask?" Seriously I know I'm not that hard to know, just ask. I try to be as straight forward with others but they tend to get offended or question my motives. What the hell is wrong with wanting to get to know someone? I have been at this university for 6 months now and I barely know the people here. Some people have responded it's because I don't often join in group activities. So does the fact that I don't like large groups make me less worthy of your time because it sure seems that way. Actually those of us who don't hang out as much with the groups definitely seem to get back burnered. Then again what do I care? Better yet should I care? Of course I should and so should others but people really seem to appreciate being a community of strangers. Or maybe they just aren't honest with themselves, who knows.