A Shredded Soul

I'm not an overly emotional person most people know that. A problem however, is that because I'm not overly emotional I don't always recognize problems within myself until they're almost full blown disasters. It's odd because I have no problem seeing and accounting for emotions in others. I guess it's a blind spot when looking at myself. Well after the last couple of days I'm really begging to see that I miss having my fiance around more than I thought. Actually it's because she doesn't occupy my conscious thoughts that I didn't realize it. I'm very good at focusing on what's around me and tossing what's not on the back burner. This works well until you need something that you are used to getting from a particular source no longer available to you. In short I have no real communication, quality time or physical interaction with my fiance, leaving me very, very drained. So much so in fact that I nightly dream about these things. Every night it's dreams about sitting and talking, or going out and doing stuff or just getting a hug. Almost always one of them is about being unable to be with the one you love. I'm not one for psycho analyzing dreams and I would normally just say this is weird but after actually remembering these dreams for the better part of a week it got me to thinking. Thus I realized just how beat up inside I am. It's going on three months of being apart now, which in the history of our relationship isn't the longest time we have been apart but it is the first time where I haven't been able to loose myself in my work or in other distractions. School work doesn't distract I have found because it most of my time is spent procrastinating and I thus end up thinking about other stuff a lot. End conclusion: I'd rather be single than be in a relationship this close but so geographically distant. This is just way to depressing and demoralizing.