An Inner Rage

I get pissed some times, heck we all do, but sometimes the things that make me angry are really weird. Like right now: I'm annoyed because I can't think of anything kind and meaningful to do for someone else. I know that's messed up but it's true. Oh and doing something kind and meaningful really isn't that easy either. You gotta think of something that they need and that they will accept at face value. That last bit is the tough part. People are so frigging paranoid about why you would do something nice for you or (this really makes me angry) seem to feel that it would be demeaning for you to do something nice for them. People call it being independent but I like to call it what it is. I'm sorry if you feel I some how make you feel belittled by lending you a helping hand. Just because you can do it on your own doesn't mean you have to. Seriously it's not even that I don't mind lending a hand it's that I really want to help you out. Last time I checked I live in a community but one that definitely does not seem to understand this point very well. I don't but the pit falls of trying to do everything on your own are pretty obvious to me. It doesn't work, it never works, how many times do you have to fail, feel lonely, crash and burn before you learn. I got to do something nice today and it was great, just a little gift, a simple thing that made someone's day better. I was supposed to help someone else out but they decided they didn't need it, maybe that's what got me on this. I personally doubt that one had anything to do with independence but it made me think of all the times that it is. I have sent people home from work and pulled a double myself because they were sick. Now sometimes I had to argue but I have always won. Here I generally loose unless the person is so sick they can barely move. You know what I've found is that among the non-Christians there is this surprise that you'd be nice like that but they take it. Christians the 'servants of all' won't take any help and seriously begrudge random acts of kindness. In fact I always find that if I want to do something for a Christian the only way to do it is anonymously but even then... I don't know if this will make sense to anyone but me but I'm just getting frustrated because there are no ulterior motives here. I just like making peoples days a little better. Well screw you's all 'cause I'm going to keep doing good things for you and if you better damn well learn to accept it. It'll save you the pain of learning that lesson the hard way, and believe me it's not one you want to learn the hard way.