We bury a friend: goodbye Shelley.

I've been thinking about writing for days but I don't know what to write. Grief hits us all differently. I always say: Regrets are for the living; memories are for the dead. My grief does not stem from time lost or things left undone but for the memories I have of a truly special person who was a world changer. Another thing I've been known to say is: We care for the living; let the dead bury themselves. It doesn't mean I don't care or don't like funerals. On the contrary I think funerals are necessary so people can grieve. I don't go to funerals to grieve though; I go to celebrate. Well most of the time anyway. What I go to celebrate is the profound affect that one individual can have in the lives of others. Shelley Patterson/Emott had a profound affect on many lives. This girl who was maybe 30 years of age, and married for only a few short years, had over 500 people attend her funeral. He death wasn't some great tragedy that would attract the uninvolved, it was just a stupid car accident. If you were there and looked around the packed church (sanctuary, balcony, narthex, basement all packed!) you would be able to tell that all those there were either profoundly touched by Shelley or by someone who had been blessed by Shelley. I know how it looked to an those who didn't know Shelley that well because you could read it on the faces of her co-workers who had come. Most had only really known her in the context of work but to come in a half hour before the service started and have to squeeze in to a standing room only crowd stunned them. I think the service did to because in a brilliant eulogy two people read the memories of about 50 others.

I wasn't going to write all that but then again I want to pay tribute to a great woman too. I didn't know Shelley as well as many others but she had a profound affect on my life. There was a time when my closest friends were facing serious challenges and they wouldn't or couldn't talk. I had also just moved to a new location where I knew no-one and everyone else knew a few other people. I was going through some tough times myself and Shelley came along and helped me out. Not because she really knew me for while we did know each other we weren't close or even that well acquainted. No she helped me because a good friend of hers was a good friend of mine and that was a good enough reason for her.

I know that probably doesn't explain much but at this point I can't come to write the actual story. Maybe someday but then again maybe not. It does exemplify Shelley though. She cared about people and you could tell. It made you feel important, loved, secure, comforted basically whatever you needed. In the Bible it says "Whatever you do unto the least of these you do unto me." Jesus said the two greatest commandments were "To love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your strength and all of your mind... ...Love your neighbour as yourself." The best tribute I can give to Shelley is that she exemplified this in her daily life. So I do not grieve for Shelley who is with our Father in paradise but I do grieve for the world that so desperately needs the touch of a hundred Shelley's.

Civil War (What's so civil about war anyway?)

No despite what you may have thought I'm not about to start Bush bashing or kicking the US for their strong arm tactics and ruthless self interest. I'm sure as heck not going to start bashing what our armed forces do. No those of you that no my own connection with the military know that I have nothing but the greatest respect for the peacekeeping missions our soldiers are involved in. I am well aware of what a measured military response can do to prevent greater harm. Of course the response has to be intelligent, informed and above all appropriate. But I'm not even interested in talking about that. No what's getting to me is the sociological civil war that is raging between economic classes and moral view points. It has come to the point where lives are tools to be used to further our causes not guarded and nurtured for the good of all. The Muslim Fanatics do it with their suicide bombers. The Moromons do it in their marriage practices. Corporations do it with their "incentive programs". Governments do it with the "funding conditions", "youth programs" and a hundred other thinly veiled moral mind crushers. How does that line go "they step on our hearts while they rip out our minds". That's about right don't allow room in your heart for anything but self interest (or 'god') but whatever you do just don't think for yourself. Well this is a call to arms then, I'm declaring an Uncivil War on all the small minded prats who want to keep others from thinking. I'll fight for the right to teach kids to think for themselves, to question what they are taught in school, to be able to speak up with questions and not be told to sit down and shut up. I will fight for the right to ask Why? And I'll take on anyone who says that just the way it is. It may be the way it is but that is not the way it has to be and I refuse to accept it. Dust of your brains and put them to work. Act like you care about what happens in your community, country, world and you may find out that there is something worth caring about. We are a bunch of lethargic, apathetic, self-centered prigs to stupid and foolish to do something about the pile of crap our world is becoming in an age where we have more power to change things then ever before. So come join up and be a part of my Uncivil War it'll be a mess but it'll be worth it.

Shut up and do something!

New rant about everybody's favorite subject: Revelation! Actually it's not really about the book of Revelation it's about the predominant Christian mind set. First thing to clear up is that Revelation have little to do with the end of the world in practical terms. Revelation is not a road map to the end times so stop asking it for directions!!! All the damn Christians I meet have this mind set like we are fighting some kind of holding action against evil or that we are making some valiant last stand. It isn't true people. Nowhere does it say "Christians will loose!" or "Not everyone can be saved!" Alright not everyone will want what we got but people spread it around a little, geez. My time with The Salvation Army is proving to me that an organization can be more than the sum of it's parts. Here is a Christian organization riddled with petty bureaucrats, people who lack vision and a few fools as well. It also has a bunch of great people that allow this massive organization to respond to a crisis sometimes before the authorities. They have a belief that you just have to respect: "Do whatever you can to help people get back on their feet with dignity." So they do big things like homeless shelters, foodbanks and emergency relief but they also do small things like finding families a place to stay when their home burns down, ensuring that soldiers on the front lines can have some coffee and a snack. Ya that's right The Salvation Army goes to war with there little trucks full of coffee and treats since world war one. They were in Afghanistan until they were asked to leave by the government. The Salvation Army believes that though they may be "Christians" they will help anyone regardless of race, religion or beliefs. Some of you might catch the irony of that last statement but my point is simple:we should help everyone regardless of who they are while (key point) maintaining their dignity and giving them the help they need so tomorrow they can stand on their own. Man there are so many points I could just go off on but I won't. Suffice it to say that in a place I least expected it I found a group that shares my goal and it has given me great hope that others do to.

(Personal) Responsibility what's that?

How does that song go? "Responsibility what's that? Responsibility not quite yet!" That sure seems to be today's view on personal responsibility. Today I was reading my newspaper and there is this wonderful story of how a 12-year-old girl, two 14-year-old girls and a 15-year-old boy beat a random 34 year-old woman to death. So what's everyone's response to this outrage? Blame the parents of course. Excuse me?!? Yep that's right not one line anywhere in any article I have read laid the blame at the feet of the children who murdered this woman. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. That tells you where the justice system has gone in past few years. When I was 12 a 14 year-old that committed murder was tried as an adult, now we blame the parents. To be fair the parents definitely do have some responsibility but ultimately the kids chose to kill this woman. Even a soldier following orders is expected to show some signs of conscious thought. So maybe some people (quite legitimately) will argue that society is no longer telling these kids it's wrong to kill. Alright I might buy part of that argument except that half the shows on television deal with catching killers and sending them to jail. You want kids to grow up them then give them responsibility every half way decent parent and teacher knows that! Taking away personal responsibility is not helping kids to grow up it's making them think they can get away with murder, which they pretty much are. These kids will be on parole and back on the streets before their 20. Talk about a slap on the wrist seriously the young ones won't even go to a youth corrections facility. Without responsibility there can be no pride, no sense of ownership or accomplishment. Loyalty is responsibility that's why gangs are so popular.

Ignorance in Suburbia

So my job for the last month has been going door to door selling gas and electricity contracts. Some of you may be familiar with what's going on while others may not be. Basically since deregulation energy producers are to farms as suppliers (who I work for) are to grocery stores. With just a little knowledge of how the food industry runs you can instantly grasp one reason why having a supplier is a good thing. However like there are varying brands of grocery store, there are also varying energy suppliers. More to the point some have better deals then others. Ok so my rant actually has nothing to do with those people who chose to sign on with another company even if they are getting a worse deal. No my rant is about the ignorant people that sit at home and tell me that having a supplier is a bad thing!?! No I'm not talking about the people that don't mind spending another $800 or more a year on the energy bills. Nope I'm talking about those arm chair business men that are trying to tell me that: a) energy prices will drop, b) the government will step in, c) were all actually a scam, or (my personal favorite) d) that if they conserve they won't be affected. So time for a little myth busting a) Do you watch TV!?! 80% of our power supply needs replacing. 54% percent of which is about to break down in the near future. The Alaskan pipeline is still a mess so that's not going to relieve the pressure. On top of all that no little bit of our electricity comes from cogen which is powered by natural gas! b) um actually no they won't. In fact the whole point of deregulation is so they won't have to foot the bill any longer. Anyway after their complete lack of action concerning gasoline prices who can really believe they'd step in? c) To this read your damn news paper and the notice you got from the Ontario Energy Board. Both say were are legit and coming around as well as the only protection you can get. d) This is a simple misunderstanding conservation is important but it's only half the problem. It doesn't help to use half the energy at twice the price does it?

Ok that's the rant. I'm a nice guy, I don't often get too many people who won't talk to me at least a bit. Reason being that I encourage them to check it out with someone because otherwise they'll be hurting. As for me I already have my solution; I'm moving to New Brunswick. Good luck Ontario may your citizens one day find the nerve to educate themselves.

Life as it is

So I'm married now.... not exactly the biggest change to my life. Oh don't get that look on your face, for about the past month my fiancee was over here with me every free moment she had. Actually I find it odd that I don't find it odd to live with her. If I was any less laid back I'd be waiting for the other show to drop. Still life has taught me to enjoy the peace because guaranteed a storm is on the way, it's not a matter of 'if' just 'when'. It kind of sucks here though on the job scene. Oh I got lots of skills most of which aren't needed in the big city and a lot of those that are require you to have a car. Or they way underpay you. I'm trying for inbound call centers 'caus you get good pay and it's something I like. On the other hand most of those jobs are on the other side of town from me which would mean a grueling hour and a half commute each way. Not what I want thank you very much. I could get three part time, low paying jobs and earn as much and be gone less. Not that I want to do that either. This is where it hits me about being married. See I'd have no problem getting a job, hell I've had a dozen job offers since I got back to Ontario but they would require me to leave Toronto where my wife is. The comforting thing is that I know most of those offers would bring a tandem one for her as well so if it weren't for the fact that she wants to stay working for the people she is we could go elsewhere easily. So it looks like my summer is going to suck. I'll probably have to get a minimum wage job, somewhere that won't be very pleasant all because I'm in the one place that has non need of my skills!!! Bah humbug!

It's almost here!

I know I don't usually post about my life, not really my way of doing things I suppose. This is a big one though, that is getting married. Okay so I'm not really worried and I'm not even bothering to try to imagine how life will change since I'll probably get it all wrong anyway. However for the last two and a half weeks I've had the apartment while Mel has been living with friends. And boy let me tell you the first adventure of marriage is trying to get all your stuff to fit in one small apartment. Luckily all my stuff didn't come up at once so every weekend I get a few more of my things and try to make them fit. I've already had to go out and buy a giant shelving unit but we also have some friends that have lent us a desk, a DVD rack and soon a pantry until we move out east. It's doubly difficult because I have had my own apartment and so has she so we have doubles of quite a lot of things and then people buy us new stuff and where do we put it!?! Currently most of the kitchen stuff her church so nicely got for us sits on the floor along with basically every other kitchen related wedding present. Ok well not the good knives those are in a drawer but we just don't have room! I'll be real happy when that pantry gets here and I can get the stuff off the floor. I don't even want to think about after the wedding when all those gifts get here. I think I might have a nervous breakdown. Still at least I haven't been working too, that would just be insane. Especially cause I have also pulled my computer apart and upgraded the CPU (first time since high school) and am now in the process of putting a second one together for the wife so she doesn't keep having to haul that over sized laptop from work. Well I guess I should get back to finding a job for after the wedding. Funny how no one wants o hire you when you need six days off for your wedding.